A Priest, A Rabbi, And A Blonde…

YoYo Ma(ster).  That’s the answer to the question, ‘Who plays the cello while walking the dog?  Ahhh, a long-hair ‘aha moment’.  Can’t help it, today is after all, National Tell a Joke Day and that just brings out the wits, wags, cards, pranksters in all of us.  Having been a former member of a morning-zoo radio show and a natural born left fielder I have endured stoic stares for decades, usually cast by perplexed family members who seemed to have left their sense of humor somewhere east of the Cascades.  Of course it could be my delivery.  It is all about ti………………….ming!

We all have our humor hot buttons.  My pirate mates make me roll with laughter but I rarely crack a smile during a Leno monologue.  Nobody can pinpoint exactly what makes a great joke but anybody can destroy one with poor delivery.  There’s a great scene in ‘My Favorite Year’ where a young comedy writer tries to teach his long-suffering girlfriend how to tell a joke.  A guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office with a duck on his head.  The doc says, “Can I help you?”   The duck says “Yeah, can you get this guy off my ass?!”  Hard as she tries she can’t get the delivery right. 

Personally I like them short and sweet.  Elin filed for divorce against Tiger, citing irreconcilable waitresses…..Dwarf shortage?…..Pretentious? Moi?…..Dyslexic man walks into a bra…..Two aerials meet on a roof – fall in love – get married.  The ceremony was absolute rubbish – but the reception was brilliant.   I also like when they’re personalized.  Ellen DeGenerous – “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60 – she’s 97 now and we don’t know where the hell she is!”   President Obama, when asked about the potential of boys asking his daughters out on dates – “I have a full arsenal of predator drones at my disposal!”     

I may not carry a gun but I’m always armed with painful puns:  Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too!  Not painful enough:   There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.  Still not smiling?  Maybe you prefer politically incorrect:  “So a baby seal walks into a club…”

When in doubt you can always go to man’s best friend.  A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ”I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”   Any animal will do.  A truck-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, what a turtle disaster!  And as for the priest, rabbi, and blonde…well you know what the bartender says, “What is this?  Some kind of a joke!”

Time to end this dreck.  I was going to go with the sneezing baby panda (always good for a laugh), but I’ve always had a soft spot for the musical muppets and their ‘Ode to Joy’ – or was that oh da joy?  A Christmas toy flute may have been added to the intro – possibly-maybe.  Gotta be good for a small smile 🙂